


Desperado

by cyncyn1110



Series: And the Song Goes on [18]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean/Sam - Freeform, Hurt Dean, Hurt Sam, M/M, S4 E4, Wincest - Freeform, the eagles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-05-06
Packaged: 2018-06-06 15:57:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6760465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyncyn1110/pseuds/cyncyn1110
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean catches Sam in the warehouse exercising demons with Ruby.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Desperado

Dean pulled into the hotel parking lot idling for a moment before putting Baby in park. He closed his eyes and instantly a vision of Sam and Ruby having sex filled his mind. 

Dean suddenly hauled back and punched the steering wheel. 

Ruby.

Not only had Sam been sleeping with her while he was gone but he continued to keep secrets with her since Dean's return. A vision of Sam exercising that demon with his mind floated behind his closed eyes followed by another image of Sam and Ruby having sex. 

Before he could really break something he got out of the impala and stalked into the hotel room he and Sam were sharing. Without a glance at his brother who stood when he walked in Dean grabbed his duffel and began to pack his things.

"What are you doing? Sam asked solemnly." When Dean didn't bother answering Sam moved to stand beside him. "What? Are you leaving?" He could hear the panic begin to rise in Sam's voice. 

"You don't need me. You and your girlfriend can go fight demons together." Dean zipped up his bag and walked towards the door.

"Hold on. Is that what this is about? C'mon Dean that happened before you came back. She was convenient. She means absolutely nothing to me. I love you." Sam reached out and grabbed Deans arm to pull him back but they were both surprised when Dean hauled back and punched him. 

Sam touched his face solemnly and shrugged his shoulders. "You satisfied?" 

Dean raised his fist again but caught himself before letting it fly and shook his head incredulously. 

"That's not all that it's about you asshole. Do you even know how far off the reservation you are? How far from normal? From human?"

"I'm just exercising demons." Sam answered with a set jaw.

"With your mind!" Dean yelled. He closed his eyes and let his bag fall to the floor at his feet. With a much calmer voice he asked "what else can you do?"

"I can send them back to hell, it only works with Demons. That's it."

Dean suddenly grabbed the front of Sam's shirt and shoved him against the wall. "What else can you do?" He asked through gritted teeth. 

"I told you. Dean please."

"Yeah and I have every reason to believe you." Dean could see the tears welling up in the corner of Sam's eyes but refused to fall for them. He felt Sam's hand wrap around his biceps but backed away from his touch. 

"Dean please." Sam pleaded again, his voice was laced with pain. "I'm sorry, I should have said something. But please try to see the other side."

"The other side?" 

"I'm pulling demons out of innocent people." Sam was so sure of himself and it only made Dean want to punch him again. 

"Use the knife!" Dean threw his hands in anger. 

"The knife kills the victim. What I do, most of them survive. I've saved more people in the last five months than we save in a year." 

"That what Ruby told you while you were fucking her? Kind of like she tricked you into using your powers?"

"Dean it's not like that. I swear that stopped. She was just convenient. We're just helping people now." Sam 

"Slippery slope brother." The way he spoke the last word let Sam know exactly where they stood as a couple. "Just wait and see because it gets darker and darker. God knows where it ends." Dean looked into Sam's eyes with sadness and hurt filling his own.

"I'm not gonna let it go too far." Sam took a step closer to Dean. 

"It's already gone too far" Dean answered with a sad smile. " Sam if I didn't know you..... I would hunt you."

Dean knew he struck home when Sam looked as if he'd been kicked in the stomach. 

Sam looked down at the floor with tears in his eyes. "You were gone. I was here. I had to keep on fighting without you. What I'm doing.... It works."

"If it's so terrific, why'd you lie to me about it?" When Sam didn't respond he continued. "Why did an angel tell me to stop you?"

"What?"

"Cas said if I don't stop you, he will. See what that means Sam? God doesn't want you doing this. So are you just going to stand there and tell me it's all good?"

Sam met Dean's eyes and in that second Dean knew that Sam really believed he was doing good. The news that Heaven was against it shook him. Just as Dean stepped forward to comfort him Sam's phone rang. 

Dean listened to the one sided conversation and was able to pick up that they had work to do. He wasn't sure how he was going to work with Sam considering all of the tension between them but as his brother slowly picked up his belongings and packed them he knew that no matter what Sam did he would always eventually forgive his baby brother.

\-------------------------------------

Sam sat as close to the passenger side as possible. The ride to Carthage wasn't an awful one at first. Sam learned more about their family of hunters from Dean and although it saddened him to think about his entire family dying so the yellow eyed demon could get to him, he felt Dean lowering the wall he had placed between them since catching he and Ruby in the warehouse. 

Until Sam accidentally let it slip that he knew that he was feed demon blood as a baby. He could feel the wall go right back in place. 

"I should have told you, I'm sorry" Sam spoke in a low voice. It seemed that he kept digging himself into a deeper hole with Dean each time he spoke.

"You've been saying that a lot lately Sam. But whatever. You don't want to tell me, you don't have to. It's fine."

Sam felt his chest tighten at the way Dean spoke those words. He reached across the seat but didn't let his hand go further than halfway across the seat before pulling it back and tucking it close to his body. 

He was losing the center of his universe after just getting it back from the claws of Hell. Every time he opened his mouth another nail seemed to be driven into the coffin that their relationship was resting in. Sam wasn't sure how he could fix things. The hopeless ache in his chest worsened when Dean reached over but instead of making contact he began digging through the box of cassettes that lived on the floorboard. 

Sam felt like he was 15 again, aching for Dean to love him that way. He was so afraid of what would happen if Dean..... no when Dean found out about the demon blood. The same fear he carried on his shoulders as a teenager when he was following Dean around afraid of Dean discovering his real feelings. 

He feared his brothers disgust. The thought alone squeezed the air out of Sam's lungs. He turned towards the window trying to hide his panic from Dean. But his brother was always watching him. When it came to Sam Dean never missed anything. 

Sam felt the gravel crunch beneath Baby's tires as Dean guided her onto the shoulder. He heard the local radio station that they had been using as background noise fade completely. "Sam...."

Sam raised his hand to stop Dean mid sentence while staring down into his lap. "Stop" he choked out. He gave himself a moment before speaking and when he did it felt as if there was a vice around his throat.

"Dean I know I didn't do things the way you would have if the roles were reversed, I understand that. But you have to know Dean that I love you. I'm only doing what I think is right. If I could've I would have traded places with you in a heartbeat. I can feel your disappointment. You have every right to hate me for sleeping with Ruby. I hate myself for that...."

"Sammy" Dean began to slide over to Sam's side of the car but a hand to his chest stopped him. Those hazel mixed speckled green and gold eyes kept staring down. 

"No, let me just say this and then we work this case and you can decide where you stand with me, whether or not you still want this." He motioned between he and Dean with one hand. 

Dean opened his mouth to speak but Sam continued.

"I've got something fucked up inside of me Dean. As misguided as I may be I need to redeem myself. You went to Hell for me Dean, for someone who has Hell running through his veins. I just wanted it to be worth it. I couldn't get you back so I wanted to make every demon I came across pay. Ruby helped me do that so when she wanted that... I gave it to her. It means nothing to me if its not with you so who gave a shit right. As soon as you got back it stopped. She knows that's not an option now." 

Sam looked over at Dean with desperation in his eyes. "Just please Dean, if you can't answer me now I get it but after this case is done and we've helped Travis....... whatever you decide just know that I love you. That I would never want to hurt you intentionally."

The quiet stretched between them for what seemed like an eternity.

When Dean finally guided the Impala back onto the road Sam settled back against the seat with his head against the passenger window. As he watched the trees along the side of the road fade into the black night he heard lyrics too perfect to not be planned by God himself begin to fill the interior of the car. 

"Desperado.... Why don't you come to your senses..." 

Sam closed his eyes and listened to the message the universe seemed to be sending him.


End file.
